“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words make them smaller. When they were in your head they were limitless, but when they come out they seem to be no bigger than normal things.”—Stephen King, The Body (via ahmoses)
“In the ordinary jumble of my literary drawer, I sometimes find texts I wrote ten, fifteen, or even more years ago. And many of them seem to me written by a stranger: I simply do not recognize myself in them. There was a person who wrote them, and it was I. I experienced them, but it was in another life, from which I just woke up, as if from someone else’s dream.”—Fernando Pessoa (via youcanandyouwill)
“She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood.
She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here.”— Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things (via thatkindofwoman)
KNOW WHAT I DON’T LIKE? Shady friends. Never mind the fact that a bunch of you completely go behind Jo’s back and all hangout with each other but NOW, you guys are trying to invite MY friends out without me? Who the fuck are you?
My favourite though is how much shit you all talk behind each others back. Kristie about Den Den about Kristie and that Amanda bitch Danielle about Steph and Jean. Dawn about Den and of course: Den, Dawn, Danielle, Kristie, and Amanda ALL about Joanna. Y’all are a bunch of shady motherfuckers that need to grow up, especially since you’re all in your 30’s. It’s pathetic that you all think that it’s a healthy friendship. Open your fucking eyes and realize the person that is the WHOLE reason any of you know each other, is in desperate need of some real friends & support and all of you are so wrapped in knowing each others drama and talking shit, that you have all become blind.
“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.”—Maya Angelou (via thegirlandherbooks)
My mother once told me that trauma is like Lord of the Rings. You go through this crazy, life-altering thing that almost kills you (like say having to drop the one ring into Mount Doom), and that thing by definition cannot possibly be understood by someone who hasn’t gone through it. They can sympathize sure, but they’ll never really know, and more than likely they’ll expect you to move on from the thing fairly quickly. And they can’t be blamed, people are just like that, but that’s not how it works.
Some lucky people are like Sam. They can go straight home, get married, have a whole bunch of curly headed Hobbit babies and pick up their gardening right where they left off, content to forget the whole thing and live out their days in peace. Lots of people however, are like Frodo, and they don’t come home the same person they were when they left, and everything is more horrible and more hard then it ever was before. The old wounds sting and the ghost of the weight of the one ring still weighs heavy on their minds, and they don’t fit in at home anymore, so they get on boats go sailing away to the Undying West to look for the sort of peace that can only come from within. Frodos can’t cope, and most of us are Frodos when we start out.
But if we move past the urge to hide or lash out, my mother always told me, we can become Pippin and Merry. They never ignored what had happened to them, but they were malleable and receptive to change. They became civic leaders and great storytellers; they we able to turn all that fear and anger and grief into narratives that others could delight in and learn from, and they used the skills they had learned in battle to protect their homeland. They were fortified by what had happened to them, they wore it like armor and used it to their advantage.
It is our trauma that turns us into guardians, my mother told me, it is suffering that strengthens our skin and softens our hearts, and if we learn to live with the ghosts of what had been done to us, we just may be able to save others from the same fate.